How I discovered the real me underneath the noise of chronic anxiety
People ask me how I can be so positive all the time.
The question takes me by surprise every time. How have they not seen through it by now? How do people not see that in fact I’m a super pessimistic person?
Because, as I finally realised, I am a positive person. It’s the anxiety and the illness that make me believe I’m a pessimistic one.
It’s been quite the revelation.
Nature vs Nurture
I realised it because I only show my true anxiety to those closest to me. Only they know how dark my thoughts can get. And they never tell me I’m a positive person, because they also know those dark thoughts.
But realising the darkness comes from anxiety, not from me, has been a life changer.
I am a positive person. Holy shit. Who knew?!
Well, lots of people, apparently. The dark they didn’t know about only kept me from seeing it.
It’s fascinating how our character is made up of what we’ve been born with, and how our circumstances and genes can change us and our own image of ourselves.
It’s also fascinating to realise that you may think people don’t know the real you, but in fact they do because they don’t see you all covered in your simian brain’s darkness that tries to keep you safe by keeping you small.
I can’t change that part of myself. My brain is my brain, and while neuroplasticity is a brilliant thing, it can only do so much. (Says the anxiety.)
But what I now can change is how much stock I take into those thoughts, knowing they aren’t truly my character. (Says the positivity.)
How do your dark thoughts impact who you believe you are? It may be worth pondering on that question every now and again.
Because while our brain is our biggest asset, it can also be our biggest enemy. Treat it accordingly!
Sandra Postma
Posted on 20 September 2025 on Substack
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